Sometimes hearing no can stop you in your tracks. And sometimes hearing no should stop you in your tracks. But there are other times when hearing no can be a catalyst for something great, for something important, and for something new and exciting.
A few weeks ago I was going after something that I thought, maybe I, quite possibly, almost for sure, wanted. It was something from my past, something that I maybe even felt I deserved (which is a whole issue for another post one day), and so I decided to go for it. And when I was turned down and offered something else, something that in my mind was less, or even, dare I say – beneath me, I had an aha moment.
The first thing I realized is that I was a little frustrated that this person telling me no didn’t get how obvious a choice I would be. Seriously, I could think of no one better suited. I also felt stymied that at this step I kept getting knocked down – seriously, what was no one seeing here? And then my inner critic broke in and reminded me that as fabulous as I have come to believe myself to be, I was likely the one not seeing something – something that was missing. And maybe the something is a skill gap, or maybe the something is desire.
If you only maybe, quite possibly, almost for sure want something, do you really, for sure, 100% absolutely deserve to get it?
If you can’t see beyond how obvious it would be that you would be chosen, do you really understand where you have room to grow?
Wanting something doesn’t equate to needing it, and it sure as hell doesn’t equate to having it. And so if that is the case, then it was time for me to eat pie – humble pie. Humble pie can be bitter, grainy, it’s not my favourite pie flavour, I much prefer chocolate, or peach, or any kind of berry. However, from time to time, we need to eat a little humble pie to recognize why something didn’t go our way. My humble pie recipe consists of the following steps:
- Take stock of what you wanted and the reasons for it. Are they true to who you are? To your values? To how you want to live your life? This is like your bottom crust. It is important to get this right as it sets the tone for how you approach the remaining steps.
- Evaluate the reasons given for the no. Were reasons given? If not, you need to go back and ask. Sometimes we can’t see for ourselves the gaps that might exist. This can be done very politely, “Thank you for the opportunity to discuss x. I’m wondering if you can provide me any insights and feedback that will support my future growth to be successful in the future.” This is the flavour base, it might be chocolate, berries, maybe you’re going for a savoury pie. This doesn’t make up your whole filling, but it sets the stage for how many additional ingredients you need.
- Determine what you need to do to close those gaps for success. Do it. This is the rest of your filling, it brings your base flavour together, gives it texture, provides cohesion. You can’t just dump a bunch of raspberries in a pie crust and pop it in the oven. You also can’t just hear what you need to do to create success and hope that through now knowing you will be better – there is quite often a learning curve involved.
- Choose yourself. This is the most important step. If someone else hasn’t chosen you, you need to ask yourself if you have chosen you. This is a combination of all of the steps, and it is the reward you reap for baking that humble pie in the first place. Once you come to terms that someone else said no to you, take that opportunity to figure out what you want and make it happen. Maybe what you want is to fill those gaps and try again – excellent! Or maybe what you realized through this process is that you really want something else – so go for that! Chose you and quit waiting for someone else to come along, because everyone else is busy baking their own pie.
For me it was the realization that I was going after something symbolic, that was tied to my past, that had no place in my future. And it gave me the opportunity to say yes to myself on so many other things that I would have lost had I gotten what I only maybe, quite possibly, almost for sure wanted. Humble pie doesn’t have to be bitter, it can be invigorating – the choice is yours, so chose you!
For the month of May I have re-opened the 30-30-30 Challenge! This challenge is about coaching as many people in the month of May as possible in order to do one thing – support your personal and professional growth! Coaching sessions are kept 100% confidential and are 100% free! That’s right, you can have a one-on-one coaching session with myself by booking a time that works for you in my calendar. All you have to do is pick the time and we will meet on Skype. Questions, send me an email, or if you are ready to invest 30 minutes into your own personal growth schedule your session right now!